


Murder On Voodoo Island

by LilyK



Category: Starsky & Hutch
Genre: Gen, transcript
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-02
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-03-12 23:07:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29143449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LilyK/pseuds/LilyK
Summary: A series of murders on the island estate of a billionaire recluse sends Starsky and Hutch undercover to the lush paradise.
Collections: Starsky & Hutch Original Series Transcripts





	Murder On Voodoo Island


    MURDER ON VOODOO ISLAND
    aka Starsky and Hutch on Voodoo Island
    aka Starsky and Hutch on Playboy Island
    
    Season 3, Episode 1
    
    Original Airdate: September 17, 1977
    
    Written by: Rod Friedman
    Created by: William Blinn
    Directed by: George McCowan
    Story Editor: Michael Fisher
    
    Summary: A series of murders on the island estate of a billionaire recluse sends Starsky and Hutch undercover to the lush paradise. 
    
    Cast: 
    

David Soul ... Det. Ken 'Hutch' Hutchinson

Paul Michael Glaser ... Det. Dave Starsky

Antonio Fargas ... Huggy Bear

Bernie Hamilton ... Capt. Harold Dobey

Samantha Eggar ... Charlotte Connery

Don Pedro Colley ... Papa Theodore

Craig Stevens ... Walter Healey

Roscoe Lee Browne ... Quatraine

Louis Nye ... Jerry

Dave Madden ... Phil Hill

Jinaki ... Minnie

Tommy Madden ... Phillipe

Joan Collins ... Janice Regan

Paul Picerni ... Johnny Doors

Anitra Ford ... Silky
    
    
    **Interior – Night – Jungle Club**
    
    HUTCH: Starsky, you are gonna love it. That fresh air and those crystal-clear mountain lakes and trout-filled streams and sunrises.
    
    STARSKY: And the grizzly bears and the quicksand and the poisonous plants and the rattlesnakes.
    
    HUTCH: There aren't rattlesnakes up at on Pine Lake.
    
    STARSKY: Oh, there will be when we get there. Look, you do your John Denver rap
    as much as you like. I know the woods are a dangerous place. They've even had sightings of the Bigfoot up there.
    
    HUTCH: Bigfoot?
    
    STARSKY: Mm-hmm.
    
    HUTCH: At Pine Lake?
    
    STARSKY: Mm-hmm.
    
    HUTCH: Aren't you forgetting the flying saucers?
    
    MEGHAN: On Pine Lake? Oh, come on! You guys have gotta be kidding. You don't really believe those rumors, do you?
    
    HUTCH: Oh, hi there.
    
    MEGHAN: Hi.
    
    STARSKY: Hi.
    
    HUTCH: Don't you ever read the National Enquirer? They're always making spottings of flying saucers and Bigfoot at places like Pine Lake.
    
    MEGHAN: Really? Well, all I can tell you is I've been going up there for years, and as far as I'm concerned, it just gets more and more wonderful each time.
    
    STARSKY: Yeah?
    
    HUTCH: Huh?
    
    STARSKY: What did I tell you?
    
    HUTCH: What?
    
    STARSKY: Doesn't bother me. My partner here's a little superstitious. He scares easy.
    
    MEGHAN: Oh, I see. Are you into camping?
    
    STARSKY: Into camping?
    
    HUTCH: I am.
    
    STARSKY: Well, I spend more time in the woods than Grizzly Adams. Yeah. I was just trying to tell my partner here, you know, uh, I love nature, that crystal-clear air and the bubbling brooks and the simple joy of boiling a trout.
    
    HUTCH: Boiling a trout?
    
    MEGHAN: I know what you mean. My girlfriend and I get up to Pine Lake almost every month.
    
    STARSKY: Oh, well, do you backpack in, or hike, or just walk?
    
    MEGHAN: Well, we walk in, but, you see, we like to stay in really good shape. And what do you usually do?
    
    HUTCH: Me?
    
    MEGHAN: Mm-hmm. 
    
    HUTCH: Oh. Well, I like to walk in myself. In fact, I was gonna go up there this week.
    
    Meghan: Oh.
    
    Hutch: You wouldn't, by any chance, be going up that way?
    
    MEGHAN: You know, as a matter of fact, my girlfriend and I were going up tomorrow, but wouldn't you know, my car broke down. It's in the shop.
    
    Starsky: Oh, that's too bad.
    
    
    **Interior – Night – Meghan’s Apartment**
    
    MEGHAN: Gee, this is really so nice of you guys. I just hope it's not too much of an imposition.
    
    STARSKY: Oh, no way!
    
    MEGHAN:  But I was thinking, well, as long as we're all gonna be in the same wilderness together, you might as well meet my friend tonight. I mean, maybe we could all spend some time together.
    
    STARSKY: Mmm!
    
    HUTCH: Oh, you're absolutely right. Listen, does your friend like the out-of-doors as much as you do?
    
    MEGHAN: Oh, even more. She absolutely adores it.
    
    STARSKY: Terrific.
    
    HUTCH: (indecipherable) the old bandana. 
    
    MEGHAN: You can come out now.
    
    HUTCH: Can't be all bad then, huh?
    
    STARSKY: Really.
    
    DOBEY: You're late! What happened to you? We were expecting you ten minutes ago.
    
    MEGHAN: Gentlemen, I'm sorry. This is my friend.
    
    STARSKY: Lucky you.
    
    HUTCH: Well, Captain, it might have been a lot easier if you'd telephoned.
    
    HEALEY: It might have been easier, Sergeant, but I'm afraid it was the safety of you and your partner that we were concerned with.
    
    DOBEY: Starsky, Hutchinson, Walter Healey, an old friend of mine from the Justice Department.
    
    STARSKY: Pleasure, I'm sure.
    
    HUTCH: I'm sure.
    
    HEALTY: Gentlemen.
    
    HUTCH: OK, Captain, we'll bite, what's going on?
    
    DOBEY: Well, what we have here is an undercover situation, which you may or may not volunteer for.
    
    HUTCH: Look, Captain, you have no right.
    
    DOBEY: If you'd just pipe down and let me explain.
    
    STARSKY: We earned a vacation! You promised a vacation!
    
    HUTCH: Explain what?
    
    DOBEY: It’s only going to Playboy Island.
    
    HUTCH: I just bought a $40 reel, not to mention waders and a Carlson rod, and a tying fly (indecipherable). You know that. 
    
    STARSKY: Wait a second. Wait a second. Wait a second!  You know that. 
    
    HUTCH: What?
    
    STARSKY: Did you hear what he said?
    
    HUTCH: Yeah, I heard!
    
    STARSKY: Playboy Island?
    
    HUTCH: Absolutely not.
    
    HEALEY: Now, as you may or may not know, the man that you're looking at is considered by many people to be the richest man in the world. William Mackenzie Thorne. It's said that if he and his corporations were rolled into a country,
    financially it would be the seventh most important nation in the world. He's been an invalid for the last three years. He lives in seclusion in this mansion, which overlooks the Playboy Island Hotel, which, you have probably heard, he also owns.
    
    STARSKY: Sounds kind of familiar. Heh-heh.
    
    HEALEY: The estate itself is patrolled by a small army of private guards. And as far as we know, his English nurse, Charlotte Connery, and a few servants are the only companions that he has. Now, there's been no trouble in the Thorne empire until about a month ago. Then, one by one, in places all over the world, his closest friends and business associates started dying.
    
    HUTCH: Started dying? You're talking about murder?
    
    HEALEY: There are those who would have you believe the cause of death was voodoo.
    
    STARSKY: Voodoo? You mean like "hocus-pocus, you're dead"?
    
    HEALEY: You tell me, but before each one of them died, they received one of these:
    a devil doll. Thorne's attorney, crack pilot, inventor of a navigational device
    that was considered foolproof, took his plane right into a mountain in broad daylight. The devil doll was found in the wreckage.
    
    STARSKY: Ah, yeah. Look, what I'd like to ask you about is these, uh, voodoo dolls.
    
    HUTCH: You said your best operative was murdered. Did he, uh, get one of these dolls?
    
    HEALEY: Twelve hours before they found him in his hotel room. The coroner's report listed the cause of death as "hysterical paralysis".
    
    STARSKY: "Hysterical paralysis." Yeah, but about these dolls, these...
    
    HUTCH: You mean he was scared to death?
    
    HEALEY: That's what his killers would have you believe. The locals are terrified.
    They feel bad magic has been brought to the island.
    
    STARSKY: "Bad magic." Hutch...
    
    STARSKY: Starsk, that's Johnny Doors.
    
    STARSKY: Yeah.
    
    HEALEY: The West Coast Godfather. People would have you believe that he wants to be the next capo of capos, top man in the national syndicate. He has been a house guest at the mansion for the past five weeks.
    
    DOBEY: That's one week before the voodoo deaths started.
    
    STARSKY: Yeah, well, about these, uh, voodoo...
    
    HEALEY: Until I heard about Johnny Doors, things just didn't make any sense. Then suddenly everything clicked.
    
    DOBEY: Healey thinks it's the organisation attempting to take over Thorne's empire.
    
    STARSKY: Well, that's swell, but about these voodoo dolls...
    
    DOBEY: With Thorne confined to a wheelchair behind locked doors, it could happen before anyone in the outside world knew about it, and then it would be too late.
    
    STARSKY: You can't get to Thorne?
    
    HEALEY: I've been working on it, but so far it has been very difficult. The question is, is it his own choice, or is he a prisoner?
    
    HUTCH: What if he's a prisoner?
    
    HEALEY: Then, gentlemen, since you've chosen to work with me, we've gotta find a way to break him out.
    
    HUTCH: Exactly where do we fit in?
    
    HEALEY: I'm going back tonight. Your flight leaves the day after tomorrow. You will be, of course, undercover.
    
    
    **Interior – Day – Airport**
    
    STARSKY: I'm sorry.
    
    HUTCH: Right.
    
    PERRY: Hey, guys! Just... call out the fire department, Mother. I've just heard some red-hot songbird.
    
    STARSKY: Oh, you sing pretty good yourself.
    
    PERRY: Well, let's get acquainted. I'm Jerry Perry from Harper's Ferry. And that's my good old buddy, Phil Hill from Steubenville.
    
    HUTCH: Oh, well, it's a pleasure to meet you, Jerry. It's a pleasure to meet you. Ooh.
    
    PERRY: Ooh.
    
    HUTCH: I'd like to have you meet my partner here.
    
    STARSKY: Fred Knight. 
    
    HUTCH: Right, and I'm Ed Day. We're from Yucaipa way. 
    
    PERRY: Ha-ha!
    
    HILL: Hey.
    
    STARSKY: What?
    
    HILL: Would you like to smell my flower?
    
    STARSKY: Smell your what?
    
    HILL: Wouldn't you like to smell my flower?
    
    STARSKY: Now, you wouldn't do that to me, would you?
    
    HILL: But I gotta get somebody.
    
    STARSKY: Oh, my! Look what just dropped in!
    
    HILL: Say, madam, you wouldn't by any chance like to smell my flower, would you?
    
    STARSKY: Oh, well, now, come on, gee, she's a lady.
    
    HILL: You have crackerjack eyesight. Sure, I noticed that right off. Here, how about a little whiffy-sniffy?
    
    SILKY: What a beautiful flower.
    
    HILL: Oh!
     
    STARSKY: Ah!
    
    HILL: Woo-hoo! Hey, let's all go get a drink!
    
    PERRY: Yeah.
    
    HUTCH: Well, I'll tell you what. I think we're just gonna stay here and die.
    
    PERRY: Oh, well, that's your prerogative.
    
    HILL: Okay, brothers. Bye.
    
    STARSKY: Bye! Have a good drink.
    
    SILKY: Close call.
    
    STARSKY: Better close than never. I'm sorry, this is my partner.
    
    HUTCH: Ed Day.
    
    STARSKY: And my name is Fred Knight.
    
    SILKY: You boys into trash, too?
    
    HUTCH: Trash, huh? That's a low blow.
    
    STARSKY: Low.
    
    SILKY: Look, when you get to Playboy Island, look me up. I'm Silky. I work around the pool. Thank you ever so much.
    
    HUTCH: Aw, listen, there's no need to thank us. Just remember one thing. When the garbage man comes for your can, remember, he's got some feelings, too.
    
    SILKY: I'll try to remember that.
    
    HUTCH: You don't wanna go that way.
    
    STARSKY: You end up in the garbage.
    
    SILKY: I already have.
    
    HUTCH: Help.
    
    INTERCOM ANNOUNCEMENT: Caribbean Holiday Flight 19 now boarding through Gate B.
    
    STARSKY: Thank you.
    
    
    **Interior – Day - Marketplace**
    
    REGAN: Hey! Hold it. That was a beauty.
    
    HEALEY: Hello there.
    
    REGAN: Well, hi.
    
    HEALEY: Say, you're Janice, the photographer from that Playboy Hotel, aren't you?
    
    REGAN: That's right.
    
    HEALEY: Let me buy you a drink.
    
    REGAN: Oh. Oh, well, I think I'd love it.
    
    HEALEY: Waiter.
    
    REGAN: Thank you.
    
    HEALEY: Bring me and the young lady here some of them big rum punches, por favor.
    
    REGAN: Mmm. They sound delicious.
    
    HEALEY: Any luck?
    
    REGAN: Yeah. But It certainly wasn't easy. The Thorne compound is guarded like Fort Knox. Most of the locals are terrified to go near the place because they say that black magic is practiced there.
    
    HEALEY: Spare me the voodoo fairy tales. I've got to get on the Thorne estate. As soon as possible. What arrangements did you make?
    
    REGAN: You see the driver of the black cab back there? Take a picture of him.
    
    HEALEY: Who?
    
    REGAN: For 200 Yankee dollars, he will take you to an old disused cane-workers' road behind the Thorne compound. And it's unguarded.
    
    HEALEY: Good. Well, it's sure nice seeing you again, Janice. I... I hate to run, but then you know those bus tours.
    
    REGAN: You take care now, huh?
    
    THEODORE: Now you belong to me.
    
    
    **Exterior – Day – Jungle Road**
    
    HEALEY: Hey… Why are you stopping? You're supposed to drive me clear to the estate. 
    
    DRIVER: The car, she broke. I can drive no farther.
    
    HEALEY: What do you mean "broke"?
    
    DRIVER: Broke.
    
    HEALEY: Maybe it's the carburetor or something. I'll take a look. Pull the hood. Hey! Get back here!
    
    THEODORE: When I call, you will obey. Will obey. Will obey me. Now you belong to me. Belong to me. Belong to me. Now you belong to me!
    
    
    **Interior – Day – Playboy Island Airport**
    
    HUTCH: Any sign of Healey?
    
    STARSKY: No, we'll meet him at the hotel. Come on.
    
    HUTCH: Wait a second.
    
    STARSKY: What?
    
    HUTCH: I wanna make sure I got all my bags.
    
    STARSKY: Well, how many you got?
    
    HUTCH: I got the big blue one here. The blue one there.
    
    STARSKY: Are these all yours?
    
    HUTCH: And the two brown ones.
    
    STARSKY: You didn't have this many when we left.
    
    HUTCH: Yes, I did. And the camera bag… Wait, I'm missing something.
    
    STARSKY: I don't even know why you brought all this luggage. You didn't even wanna come to this place in the first place.
    
    HUTCH: Starsky, I'm on vacation I wanna be prepared to have one.
    
    STARSKY: Prepared? This is overkill.
    
    HUTCH: Look, Starsk, if you're gonna do the islands, you might as well do them. I don't know about you, but I'm gonna have a good time.
    
    STARSKY: Your luggage.
    
    HUTCH: Ah, porter! Porter! 
    
    STARSKY: Hey! 
    
    HUTCH: Wait here. What?
    
    STARSKY: Hey!
    
    PERRY: What are you doing?
    
    (indecipherable yelling) 
    
    HUGGY: Get in! Come on!
    
    HILL: Ask him!
    
    PERRY: Any of you fellas sing tenor?
    
    STARSKY: Tenor?
    
    PERRY: Yeah, we're looking for a tenor.
    
    HUTCH: All right, okay.
    
    STARSKY: We'll keep our ears open.
    
    
    **Exterior – Day – On the Road**
    
    HUGGY: Hey, Mister, why don't you learn how to drive?
    
    HUTCH: Whoa!
    
    HUGGY: It's a short cut. Just take it easy.
    
    STARSKY: What are you doing?
    
    Hutch: Hey, we almost missed that car.
    
    HUGGY: That's how one drives on the island.
    
    STARSKY: You mean, you tried to hit him?
    
    HUGGY: You gotta be mucho macho on the old throttlero. Just lay back and enjoy the ride, and I'll show you some of the finer points of this tropical paradise.
    
    HUTCH: I just hope we get out of the airport.
    
    STARSKY: Really. Hey, Huggy, we know you're a man with a plan. We just sent you down here yesterday, how'd you manage to get taxi so fast?
    
    HUGGY: Simplicity itself. I got family all over this island. Hold this. When I get in cahoots with my roots, anything is possible.
    
    STARSKY: Yeah, well, just get us to the hotel in one piece.
    
    HUTCH: What are you doing?
    
    HUGGY: I'll just whiz you by Playboy Island Hotel. And as far as anybody's concerned, you're just a couple of flaky tourists grooving on the sights. On my right, we have the old Spanish Mission.
    
    STARSKY: What are you doing?
    
    HUTCH: I think I'm missing a bag.
    
    STARSKY: Oh, God. Hug, what about Thorne?
    
    HUGGY: Hey, the word on the island is Thorne is afraid to stick his nose outside of his estate. Because he's afraid to get dead.
    
    STARSKY: Yeah, we heard he had a lot of armed guards.
    
    HUGGY: Armed guards? Nothing can stop the voodoo man in the long run. And that's who they say is after Thorne. Look, there's the Governor's mansion.
    
    STARSKY: One hell of a lawn.
    
    HUTCH: Yeah, it's a good deal of sugar cane, too.
    
    STARSKY: Yeah. Huggy, this voodoo man, is that the same as a bocur?
    
    HUGGY: Mm-hmm.
    
    HUTCH: Bocur? Sounds like a bad cough.
    
    STARSKY: No, no, no, that's what they call a witch doctor in voodoo.
    
    HUTCH: A bad cough?
    
    STARSKY: No, no. It's a person who has… who has the power of death.
    
    HUGGY: And that's what this dude has.
    
    HUTCH: A real bad cough.
    
    STARSKY: Will you, please?
    
    HUGGY: In aces! He's got the locals so scared, I couldn't even find out what his real name is. From how they talk about him, he must be a cross between Count Dracula and Frankenstein. Word is, the people who wanna get Thorne paid a lot to bring him
    into the country.
    
    HUTCH: Huggy, is there any way you can get us close to this, uh, bocur?
    
    HUGGY: I was afraid you were gonna ask that question.
    
    STARSKY: Uh, now wait a second, don't tell me you believe in this stuff, too?
    
    HUGGY: Look, my family has an old saying: "When in doubt, sit it out."
    
    STARSKY: What does that mean?
    
    HUGGY: But don't worry. I already got my Aunt Minnie on the situation. And there's certain people on this island who say she's a witch doctor, too.
    
    HUTCH: Minnie?
    
    STARSKY: Says she's his aunt.
    
    HUTCH: Oh.
    
    HUGGY: Hey, guys, coming up on the right is the main entrance to the Thorne estate.
    
    STARSKY: How many of those cuties do they got?
    
    HUGGY: As high as thirty. And TV cameras all along the perimeter. He tend to keep out unwanted folks.
    
    HUTCH: What about the hotel side of the Thorne estate?
    
    HUGGY: Backs up against the ninth hole of the hotel's golf course. From what I hear, it has fences all along there and it's patrolled by guard dogs.
    
    
    **Exterior – Day – Playboy Island Hotel**
    
    HUTCH: Hey!
    
    HUGGY: Here it is. Welcome to Playboy Island, bachelors' swinging paradise.
    
    STARSKY: Howdy!
    
    HUTCH: Hi there.
    
    STARSKY: Check out the gardeners. 
    
    HUTCH: I ought to call the prisoners. Where's the help? Morning.
    
    STARSKY: Morning.
    
    PUSSYCAT: Hi, fellas. Welcome to Playboy Island. I'm your doorman.
    
    STARSKY: "Pussycat."
    
    HUTCH: Here, kitty, kitty. I'm Ed Day.
    
    STARSKY: I'm Fred Knight.
    
    HUTCH: And we're partners in grime.
    
    PUSSYCAT: Got it. Did you say Knight and Day?
    
    STARSKY: We sure did.
    
    HUTCH: Yes, we did. Uh-huh.
    
    PUSSYCAT: Good morning. Conventioneers Knight and Day checking in. That's right, you heard me, Knight and Day. It'll be just a moment and someone'll give you a hand with your luggage, Okay?
    
    HUTCH: Oh, that's all right, I can get it.
    
    STARSKY: Thank you. What are you doing?
    
    HUTCH: Taking the luggage.
    
    STARSKY: What, are you nuts? You think I'm gonna help you carry all that?
    
    HUTCH: Why not? 
    
    STARSKY: Well, we're on vacation. You said so yourself. Besides, they've got a bellhop. Let him do it.
    
    HUTCH: Oh, Okay. Ow!
    
    EASY: Hi.
    
    PUSSYCAT: Check-in is automatic for conventioneers. Easy can take you straight to your room. Have a nice day.
    
    EASY: Hello, I'm Easy.
    
    HUTCH: Oh, you're "Easy", huh?
    
    EASY: Flower, Bubbles, ladies, come help these gentlemen with their luggage. This way.
    
    WOMEN: Hi.
    
    STARSKY: Hi.
    
    EASY: This way, please.
    
    HUTCH: I'm expecting a message. Is there any way I can check on that?
    
    EASY: Oh, yes, I checked that for you. And I'm sorry, but you have no messages.
    
    HUTCH: Uh-huh. Well, look, there's one more thing. I seem to be missing a bag.
    
    EASY: A bag?
    
    HUTCH: Right.
    
    EASY: You mean luggage.
    
    HUTCH: Right.
    
    EASY: Okay, we'll check that for you.
    
    HUTCH: Don't you wanna know what color it is?
    
    EASY: Okay. What color is it?
    
    HUTCH: Ah, I don't remember. Who's that?
    
    EASY: That's Ginger, the house detective.
    
    HUTCH: Oh, the house dick. Look, are you sure about that message? It's kind of important. We're waiting on a new, uh, rubbish contract in a string of pizza parlors. Probably mean that we can, uh, buy a new truck for our fleet.
    
    EASY: How executive.
    
    HUTCH: Right.
    
    EASY: But I am sure. I checked your box. How many trucks do you have in your fleet now?
    
    HUTCH: Ah, well, we, uh… We have one. Betsy.
    
    EASY: Betsy. 
    
    HUTCH: She's your, uh, four-ton, super-torque, double-action super scooper.
    
    EASY: Is that like one of those, uh, low-riders?
    
    HUTCH: Uh... Fred. Fred.
    
    STARSKY: Oh, well, I just thought I'd give the little ladies a hand to the room.
    
    HUTCH: Uh huh. 
    
    STARSKY: Well, don't just stand there. Give me some help.
    
    HUTCH: Oh, of course! Let me take that for you.
    
    STARSKY: Right. 
    
    EASY: This way.
    
    STARSKY: (sings) Night and day, I'll take the night. 
    
    
    **Interior – Day – Playboy Island Hotel**
    
    EASY: And this is the pool area. Oh, well, you might have been wondering about the vegetation on this island.
    
    HUTCH: Oh, yeah. There's a lot of nice specimens.
    
    EASY: Dinner's at eight. And keep off the grass.
    
    HUTCH: Oh.
    
    EASY: Our pool's down around the corner. 
    
    HUTCH: Uh huh. 
    
    EASY: The ocean's straight ahead.
    
    HUTCH: Oh. Very funny!
    
    EASY: You'll have a lovely stay.
    
    HUTCH: (sings) Night and day. (end) Fred? (sings) Night and day, I'll take the night. And I… (end) 
    
    WOMAN: Hi.
    
    HUTCH: Hi. Is something wrong?
    
    STARSKY: Did you see her bathing suit?
    
    WOMAN: Why don't you join me for a swim?
    
    HUTCH: What bathing suit?
    
    STARSKY: That's what I was afraid of.
    
    
    **Interior – Day – Hotel Room**
    
    HUTCH: Thank you, ladies, thank you.
    
    STARSKY: Thank you.
    
    HUTCH: All right, thank you.
    
    HUTCH: How you doing, Fred?
    
    STARSKY: All right. Thank you.
    
    HUTCH: All right. 
    
    EASY: Need some help over there?
    
    STARSKY: No, I'm fine.
    
    EASY: Okay, great.
    
    HUTCH: Just put it right down there.
    
    STARSKY: All right.
    
    EASY: Okay, here's your key.
    
    HUTCH: Thank you.
    
    EASY: And, uh... Oh, if, uh, you need me to lift anything, uh, you just ring. I wouldn't want you to hurt yourselves.
    
    STARSKY: All right. I think I could learn to enjoy it here.
    
    HUTCH: Get up.
    
    STARSKY: Hm?
    
    HUTCH: Company.
    
    GODFREY: Gentlemen. Gentlemen, don't be alarmed. I'm Sterling Amadeus Godfrey, 
    Chief of Police for the island.
    
    STARSKY: Pleased to make your acquaintance.
    
    HUTCH: Well, do tell. What could a couple of good old boys like Fred and me have done to attract the law, huh? Huh? Picked up something that somebody hadn't thrown away yet?
    
    GODFREY: No, no, no, no, no. I'm wondering what two gentlemen, with the unlikely names of Mr.. Day and Mr.. Knight, can tell me about a certain Walter Healey?
    
    STARSKY: Walter...?
    
    GODFREY: Healey.
    
    HUTCH: Healey.
    
    GODFREY: Healey.
    
    STARSKY: Nothing. What can you tell us?
    
    GODFREY: Only that he was found dead this afternoon, apparently killed by a fall.
    
    HUTCH: That's a shame, I'm sure, but, uh, why tell us?
    
    GODFREY: Well, oddly enough, your names and room number were found among his personal belongings in the hotel safe. How would you account for that?
    
    STARSKY: Can't tell.
    
    HUTCH: Maybe there's something else in those belongings that could explain it, huh?
    
    GODFREY: No, no, nothing. However, this was found on his somewhat broken body.
    
    STARSKY: Imagine that! A grown man playing with dolls.
    
    GODFREY: Your, um, naivete could be dangerous, if I believed it. Gentlemen, I know Healey was a law-enforcement officer engaged in some investigation here, but he refused to confide in me. His silence may well have cost him his life. Look me up, should you need a friend.
    
    STARSKY: Oh, for sure.
    
    HUTCH: Right, right.
    
    GODFREY: Oh, may I?
    
    STARSKY: Please. Help yourself.
    
    GODFREY: You're very kind.
    
    STARSKY: Don't mention it.
    
    GODFREY: Good afternoon, gentlemen.
    
    STARSKY: Good afternoon.
    
    GODFREY: Mr. Day and Mr. Knight.
    
    STARSKY: No, no, no, no, no. He's Mr. Day and I'm Mr. Knight.
    
    GODFREY: Well, have a good stay, gentlemen.
    
    STARSKY: Healey's dead.
    
    HUTCH: And the only thing he's come up with is a voodoo doll.
    
    STARSKY: I'm beginning to feel like I just walked into a Vincent Price movie.
    
    HUTCH: Except we don't know who the bad guys are.
    
    STARSKY: What do you think of Godfrey?
    
    HUTCH: Maybe Healey didn't trust him. Maybe he's syndicate. Who knows?
    
    STARSKY: I guess the only thing we can do is go talk to Thorne.
    
    HUTCH: How?
    
    STARSKY: Didn't Huggy say that the ninth hole of the golf course backed up on the Thorne estate?
    
    HUTCH: Care for a round of golf?
    
    
    **Exterior – Day – Golf Course**
    
    HUTCH: Pretty good.
    
    STARSKY: Mm-mm.
    
    HUTCH: Have you given any thought to what we're gonna do when we get there?
    
    STARSKY: Well… Something will turn up. 
    
    HUTCH: Boy, that was a beauty.
    
    STARSKY: Uh-huh.
    
    PERRY: Hey, fellas, let's make it a foursome!
    
    STARSKY: See? Told you something would turn up.
    
    HUTCH: Right. Well, that's gotta be the Thorne estate over there.
    
    STARSKY: What do you think?
    
    HUTCH: I think we ought to shag a couple of balls into the rough.
    
    STARSKY: How do you do that?
    
    HUTCH: Well, you take your nine-iron.
    
    STARSKY: Nine-iron.
    
    HUTCH: You close your stance, you close your face, and you swing through it, nice and easy.
    
    STARSKY: Huh? 
    
    HUTCH: Not too hard, now.
    
    STARSKY: Right.
    
    PERRY: All right, now, let's see what we've got here. OK, we're shooting for the hole out there and it's a par four. I'm lying three over there and, Ed, you're lying one on a beautiful shot.
    
    HUTCH: Thank you.
    
    PERRY: And you know what? Old Phil's got this far in two strokes, and Fred's lying...
    
    STARSKY: Nine.
    
    PERRY: Nine.
    
    STARSKY: Excuse me. Fore! Ten.
    
    HILL: Well, I can see your problem. You're using the wrong club. Here, try this. Maybe you can beat it to death.
    
    PERRY: Ain't he the wittiest?
    
    STARSKY: Sure is.
    
    HUTCH: Close your face. What a shame. Oh, what a shame. 
    
    STARSKY: Tough turn of luck.
    
    HUTCH: Well, here I am,lying one after a magnificent drive. I'll just pop it right up by the pin up there.
    
    STARSKY: Oh... Uh...
    
    PERRY: Fore!
    
    HUTCH: Phil, Jerry, can we see you for just a second?
    
    STARSKY: Yeah, ladies, would you excuse us for just one moment? Well, looks like we've got ourselves a bit of a problem.
    
    HUTCH: We're gonna have to go back there and shag those two balls.
    
    PERRY: Oh, well, we'll give you a hand. 
    
    HUTCH: Oh, no, no, that's all right. Hey, those are nice-looking dollies, aren't they?
    
    PERRY: They are. They are put together fine.
    
    HUTCH: Look, I got a suggestion. Why don't you take the girls and the cart.
    
    HILL: I am a little tired.
    
    HUTCH: Now, don't you… Don't you boys get lost.
    
    PERRY: Oh, no. 
    
    (indecipherable)
    
    PERRY: Arrivederci!
    
    STARSKY: Arrivederci!
    
    PERRY: Get upside down like that! Now in here! Bye-bye, now. Goodbye, brothers.
    They're fine boys.
    
    HILL: Yeah, Jerry. Come on, ladies. 
    
    PERRY: Come on, ladies.
    
    (indecipherable) 
    
    PERRY: Get in here. Hot damn.
    
    HILL: Come on.
    
    
    **Exterior – Day – In the Jungle**
    
    STARSKY: What are you doing?
    
    HUTCH: Going across the river.
    
    STARSKY: Here?
    
    HUTCH: Well, it's as good a place as any.
    
    STARSKY: Well, what about finding a more shallow place upstream? Downstream, huh? Maybe there's a bridge.
    
    HUTCH: What are you afraid of, alligators?
    
    STARSKY: What, are you kidding? There are no alligators in here. Are there?
    
    HUTCH: Of course not.
    
    STARSKY: Oh.
    
    HUTCH: Will you come on.
    
    STARSKY: Yeah, I'm coming, I'm coming.
    
    HUTCH: Come on. The only thing I'm worried about are the crocodiles.
    
    STARSKY: What did you say?
    
    HUTCH: Huh? Oh, nothing. 
    
    STARSKY: Did you say crocodiles?
    
    HUTCH: Crocodiles!
    
    STARSKY: There's Johnny Doors.
    
    HUTCH: So it is. Healey was right.
    
    STARSKY: Was that you?
    
    HUTCH: I thought it was you.
    
    STARSKY: Well, it ain't no crocodile.
    
    HUTCH: Nice dog! Nice dog! 
    
    STARSKY: Hey! 
    
    PHILIPPE: Good day, gentlemen.
    
    STARSKY: Good day.
    
    HUTCH: Good day. 
    
    PHILIPPE: It's a beautiful day for a stroll, isn't it?
    
    STARSKY: Sure is! 
    
    HUTCH: It sure is! 
    
    PHILIPPE: But why are you walking over here?
    
    STARSKY: Uhmm. 
    
    HUTCH: Well, uh, uh… My buddy and I were over at the golf course at the seventh tee. I pull out a 3-wood and shanked one hell of a shot.
    
    STARSKY: Sure did! Yeah.
    
    PHILIPPE: But you're over 300 yards off the green.
    
    STARSKY: Woo-hoo!
    
    HUTCH: Hey! Hey!
    
    STARSKY: Whoa, you hit the skin off that ball!
    
    PHILIPPE: Perhaps you'll speak more freely to the dogs.
    
    Starsky: Oh... No, hold it. Hold everything, now. Actually, the truth of the matter is, we just really want to get a peek at Mr. Thorne. You see, nobody ever gets to see him in person any more.
    
    CONNERY: Philippe. Mr. Thorne wants the dogs called off. I'll show the gentlemen out. We'll take the arbor path. It leads directly to the hotel.
    
    HUTCH: Good day.
    
    STARSKY: Hello.
    
    HUTCH: Well, looks like we dropped in at a bad time, huh? Looks like you're preparing for some kind of a shindig.
    
    CONNERY: It's the annual All Saints charity ball. Mr. Thorne turns his house over to it each year on this night.
    
    STARSKY: Is, uh, that Mr. Thorne over there?
    
    CONNERY: Yes.
    
    STARSKY: Is he gonna be here tonight?
    
    CONNERY: No, he'll remain in his quarters. Gentlemen.
    
    STARSKY: He's feeling all right, isn't he?
    
    CONNERY: Yes.
    
    STARSKY: Uh-huh.
    
    CONNERY: Just across the bridge you'll find the gate...
    
    STARSKY: Bridge?
    
    CONNERY: ...that leads directly to the hotel. The guard will let you through.
    
    STARSKY: You see that?
    
    HUTCH: What?
    
    STARSKY: There is a bridge.
    
    HUTCH: Yeah. How long has this bridge been here?
    
    CONNERY: Since the turn of the century. Well, you see? We weren't there then, anyway.
    
    CONNERY: I beg your pardon? Oh, excuse me, gentlemen. Mr. Thorne needs me. Good day.
    
    
    **Exterior – Day – Hotel Grounds**
    
    STARSKY: Did you have to?
    
    HUGGY: Hey, where you guys been? I've been looking all over for you.
    
    STARSKY: Why? What's going down?
    
    HUGGY: My Aunt Minnie's agreed to meet with you and talk about the voodoo man. Come on.
    
    
    **Exterior – Day – Path to Aunt Minnie’s**
    
    STARSKY: Wait a second. I don't think that's such a good idea. No, really!
    
    STARSKY: Huggy, are you sure the boards on this bridge are safe?
    
    HUGGY: What's the matter, Starsky, you afraid of a little water?
    
    STARSKY: No, I'm not afraid of any water.
    
    HUTCH: Of course it's safe. They bring cows across this bridge.
    
    STARSKY: Watch out for the hole!
    
    HUGGY: Hey, come on, it's just a little ways down here.
    
    HUTCH: Of course, a cow's got four legs and weighs a little more than I do.
    
    STARSKY: How do you know they bring cows cross the bridge?
    
    HUTCH: Well, who's to say they don't?
    
    STARSKY: Huggy, I'll ask you one more time, is this trip really necessary?
    
    HUGGY: Like I told you, Minnie knows everything that there is to know about this island. She's what people in the old days called a griot. Are you hip to what it is?
    
    STARSKY: Kind of onion?
    
    HUTCH: No, no, no, it's a member of the rodent family.
    
    HUGGY: No, it's a storyteller. She keeps the history of the people in her head. Names, dates, places. Why, Minnie can go back to before our people were even brought to this island.
    
    STARSKY: Uh-huh.
    
    HUGGY: Shh! Walk softly. Have a little respect. 
    
    **Interior – Day – Magic Minnie’s**
    
    MINNIE: (sings)
    
    HUGGY: Aunt Minnie. Minnie. Aunt Minnie, these are the people I told you about.
    
    STARSKY: Hello.
    
    MINNIE: Hmm. Pass me the toad bellies, please. Draw a circle around yourself. Kiss the bag three times and you will be protected. Twenty dollars, please.
    
    STARSKY: Twenty do...?
    
    HUGGY: Sometimes sincere people purchase charms from Minnie to help them down the road of life.
    
    HUTCH: Oh. Oh, I understand that. And on the road of life one has to pay tolls.
    
    MINNIE: There's powerful voodoo in the land. Five are dead already. More will die. All because the evil bocur.
    
    STARSKY: Would you happen to know the name of this bocur?
    
    MINNIE: You would be better off if you didn't know.
    
    HUTCH: Well, I'm afraid we're gonna have to know it.
    
    MINNIE: He is the supreme papaloi, master of the undead. Of Papa Theodore... beware!
    
    HUTCH: Papa Theodore?
    
    MINNIE: Don't worry about finding him, just be sure he don't find you, because if he gives you a doll with your face, you are dead.
    
    
    **Interior – Night – Theodore’s Place**
    
    THEODORE: Enter, little Philippe.
    
    PHILIPPE: Bonsoir, Papa Theodore. Is everything prepared for tonight?
    
    THEODORE: Oh, yes, my small friend. Tonight will be… extraordinary!
    
    
    **Exterior – Night – Thorne Estate Party**
    
    HUTCH: Paint's bad enough! I didn't know we were supposed to sing.
    
    HUGGY: Don't sweat it. Look… I was gonna be a waiter! This the only way I could get us into the party!
    
    STARSKY: I think we just hit pay dirt! Thorne's room is at the back of the house.
    
    HUTCH: Yeah.
    
    STARSKY: Now, the only person that we got to worry about is Baron, his personal bodyguard, he sleeps outside his door, only tonight, he's gonna sleep real heavy.
    
    HUTCH: How's that?
    
    STARSKY: Well, I just gave the cook 20 bucks to put enough vodka in his pepper pot stew to pickle all of Poland.
    
    HUGGY: Ready?
    
    HUTCH: Wait a minute! I don't know any calypso songs. You know any calypso songs.
    
    STARSKY: Calypso songs? What are you talking about?
    
    HUTCH: We gotta sing.
    
    STARSKY: We do?
    
    HUTCH: Yeah. What?
    
    HUGGY: "The Ding-Dong"!
    
    HUTCH: What's that?
    
    HUGGY: "Somebody Bad Stole The Wedding Bell."
    
    HUTCH: Really?
    
    HUGGY: Thanks.
    
    STARSKY: What's that?
    
    HUGGY: Never mind. We're on!
    
    STARSKY: We're on what?
    
    HUGGY: Ladies and gentlemen, "Somebody Bad Stole The Wedding Bell". One, two, one, two, three, four!
    
    (singing)
    
    MAN: Get them off!
    
    HUGGY: Limbo! Ladies and gentlemen, it's limbo time!
    
    STARSKY: Okay, over there.
    
    HUTCH: Huggy, this is where we part company.
    
    HUGGY: Hey, look, I got you this far. Take care, man. But dig, if you run into any of those voodoo people, and they get mad at  you, let's pretend we don't know each other next time we meet on the street, okay?
    
    STARSKY: Terrific. 
    
    
    **Interior – Night – Thorn Estate**
    
    HUTCH: Wait a second.
    
    STARSKY: Mr. Thorne. Mr. Thorne! He's alive, but not by much. He must be in some kind of coma.
    
    HUTCH: Starsk. Starsk.
    
    STARSKY: Mr. Thorne! What?
    
    HUTCH: Somebody's coming.
    
    STARSKY: Over here. Over here.
    
    PHILIPPE: Come. Come.
    
    HUTCH: Walking?
    
    STARSKY: He's supposed to have been paralyzed for three years.
    
    CONNERY: What are you doing? Who are you?
    
    HUTCH: Shh! Shh! Miss Connery! Police officers.
    
    CONNERY: What?
    
    HUTCH: Police officers.
    
    CONNERY: How did you know my name?
    
    STARSKY: We were going undercover with a man named Healey. He was murdered this morning.
    
    CONNERY: My God! I know who you are. You're the two men I saw this afternoon.
    
    STARSKY: That's right.
    
    CONNERY: Well, what do you want?
    
    STARSKY: Well, maybe you can tell us. How is it your boss is walking?
    
    CONNERY: I don't know. I don't know what's been going on. There've been so many strange things happening here. It's been so confusing.
    
    HUTCH: Miss Connery.
    
    CONNERY: What?
    
    HUTCH: You seem to be the kind of person who's concerned about the welfare of her employer.
    
    CONNERY: Yes, I am.
    
    HUTCH: Well, then help us.
    
    CONNERY: Well, how?
    
    STARSKY: We're gonna lose Thorne.
    
    CONNERY: Where's Mr. Thorne going? Please help us!
    
    CONNERY: There's a shack.
    
    HUTCH: Where?
    
    CONNERY: Outside. Outside in the… In the jungle. I… Well, I'll show you where it is.
    
    
    **Interior & Exterior – Night – Theodore’s Place**
    
    THEODORE: I bid you come to me. Walk! Kneel. Now you see my power. I have made the lame to walk and the mighty to kneel, because I, Papa Theodore, am master of all spirits.
    
    HUTCH: Looks like Thorne's kennel keeper's pretty tight with Papa Theodore.
    
    STARSKY: What's going on, Charlotte?
    
    CONNERY: It's the wild boar. They use it to summon the god of war and blood. I think it means someone's going to die.
    
    HUTCH: Thorne.
    
    STARSKY: Charlotte, is there anybody else at the house that we can trust?
    
    CONNERY: Cookie and a couple of maids. I think everybody else is working for Johnny Doors now.
    
    HUTCH: Can you get him off the estate for any reason? A walk? A swim or something?
    
    CONNERY: Why?
    
    HUTCH: Because right now, it seems the best way to protect him is to get him off the island, if you can get him off the estate.
    
    CONNERY: Oh, I don't think so. That would be terribly difficult.
    
    THEODORE: Papa Legba, keeper of the gate, ruler of the crossroads, who has dared enter without your permission? Blasphemers! Let this serve as a warning to all who would oppose me! (speaks foreign language) Dark to light. Neither day nor night shall shield thee. When the dolls with their faces are found, you will belong to me.
    
    END PART ONE


End file.
